could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
