3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Buhtt sex?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
did i walk over a car last night?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
