She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
