I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
