I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize