Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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