If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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