these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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