Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
