Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
