dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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