Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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