Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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