You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
