when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
