90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
