there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
