I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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