i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
