HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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