I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
