I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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