P.S. I can't hear my feet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
