Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
