I swear god or herbie drove my car home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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