Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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