Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
