so that wasnt chicken after all
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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