end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
