I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
