Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
