office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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