I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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