and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
