I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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