i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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