Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
