Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I forget how to act sober
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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