All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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