Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize