i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
