Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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