So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
