I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
