why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
