Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
