Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
