two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
