The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
