Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've blown a few things in my day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
