margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
