i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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