My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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