I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
