You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize