somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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