My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.