I'm going to rape someone's good day.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?