Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.