I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize