We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
