Whod you bang
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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