doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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