the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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