The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
