i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
