is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
