I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
